Lethal injection 2.0: Killing me softly

Ever wanted to know the best way to kill someone with massive amounts of drugs? This is actually the legal question for debate making the rounds in Ohio today:

A judge in the northern US state of Ohio has ordered the state to change its lethal injection method because it can cause pain, in a move that is expected to revive the death penalty debate.

Judge James Burge said the current three-step method - by which a convict is rendered unconscious, then a muscle-paralyser is administered, followed by a final injection which stops the heart - does not conform with the state law which calls for prisoners to be executed "quickly and painlessly".

Critics of the procedure say that if the injections are administered incorrectly, the convict can suffer excruciating pain.

Judge Burge said corrections officials should instead administer a single massive dose of anaesthesia. Such a move would avoid the use of the potential pain-causing injections but would likely extend the procedure.

"A single massive dose of sodium thiopental or another barbiturate or narcotic drug will cause certain death, reasonably quickly, and with no risk of abrogating the substantive right of the condemned person to expect and be afforded the painless death mandated by the law," he said.

Wowzers! This is super news for all you death row inmates, because previously you were going to have your heart seize while chemically immobilized, now you'll just be doped to death like another junkie looking for chemical heaven. You may be looking at death, but the journey there will be a soft ride on a pillow of clouds into never-ending darkness. Have that tattooed on your skull before booting up, the juxtaposition of the adrenal/narcotic highs will totally freak you inside-out, like totally... But I digress.

But kids, don't try this at home. Oh right, you already do try it at home with your parents' anxiety medicine. Who says you need to be on death row to have a good time? Right? But seriously, don't try this at home. For convicts only.