Broadcasting through our top-secret carrier pigeon relay team, we get news of our embedded correspondent's first day at the Black Rock Arts Festival, also known as Burning Man:
5:07 PM: I rolled into Burning Man late this afternoon and was surprised to see how much had already been set up. The camps were still very much under construction, but Center Camp was fully functional and the local radio station was playing a crazy mash-up of Bob Marley's 'Buffalo Soldier' and some trance music slowed-down and tweaked to sound like retarded dub. Two nude bicyclists pass by and wave as I am getting out of my car. I like this place already!
6:15 PM: While setting up my tent two young girls wearing nothing but cowboy hats and g-strings walk up to me and ask (in unison) "Do you want oral pleasure?" I am stunned, but reply, "Sure!" To my dismay all they do is hand me a little mint with the Burning Man logo on it and giggle. "Come to Oral Pleasure camp on Thursday night for our big Oral Pleasuring party," says one. I can't help but stare at their perfect young breasts, I think I may have actually drooled. God I am repressed. "Okay," I say lamely. "Where is it?" "You'll find it!" They giggle as they walk away. Fuck, I haven't even set up my tent and I've already been had like a noob. I may not be ready for all this just yet.
9:20 PM: After the sun went down all the party lights came on the music got noticeably louder and more techno-y sounding. I wander around from camp to camp watching people mostly stick to their own groups, putting the finishing touches on their sound systems, domes, crash spaces, theme camps, and whatever. I find a trance camp with a DJ spinning some ripping Goa breakbeat stuff and dance for a while. Someone passes me a Gatorade bottle with a "G" on the cap and tells me to drink "Just one cap full!" I pour myself a cap full and take a sip. It tastes like Gatorade mixed with piss, so I'm guessing it's GHB (Or could it actually be piss? Would someone actually do that!?). Throwing caution to the wind I drink it. Two hours later I am still dancing my ass off, except now I can actually defy gravity. Growing tired, dehydrated, and disoriented I return to my tent and collapse on the floor. Despite my best efforts everything is covered in dust. I am exhausted from traveling all day and close my eyes and try to sleep against the "thump thump" beat reverberating across the playa. I silently wish I had some oral pleasure. Sigh.
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