That's billion with a B, and their stock went up four points. Is there maybe too much money in the pharmaceutical industry?

Well, if James wants to kick off a quick round of "silly stoner stories," see if you can guess which one of these headlines & excerpts is fake.

Contestant #1:

Cops: Man gave marijuana to trick-or-treaters
A Batavia man accused of giving marijuana to trick-or-treaters in Geneseo last week on Halloween is facing felony charges.

Contestant #2:

Man arrested after reporting marijuana theft
A man was arrested for drug possession after telling authorities that two masked gunmen had stolen 150 pounds of marijuana from his home.

Contestant #3:

Suspect Charged With Smoking Marijuana In Police Station
A Brookfield man is facing drug charges after he allegedly walked into the Danbury police station puffing on a marijuana-filled cigar.

Or contestant #4:

Area man smokes pot in privacy of own home, watches television
According to various reports, the man also probably consumed snacks during the event.

An odd bit of juvenile stupid crime from our nation's middle schools, involving two thirteen-year-olds, a fourteen-year-old, a text message, and a bag of weed. Oh yeah, and the hand-off was outside the Principal's office. Hey kids, didn't you know that's what the bathrooms are for...

Yesterday, at a candy PR showcase, I encountered the new Bratz candy compact and perfume bottle. The perfume bottle is a small pink bottle full of powdered candy, with a handy lollipop wand for fishing out your goods. The compact features a small mirror and a secret compartment that houses "breath mints." I'm thinking about carving the lollipop on mine to look like a spoon.

Here's what you get when you cross Jenkem scares with junk journalism; small-town reporters who just make shit up. See some of the quotes from this piece from WSBT in South Bend, Indiana, forwarded to us by Salvia Plath:

The drug, made from fermented feces and urine, hasn't been found in our area yet, but police think it could be here soon.

...

That gas causes hallucinations. Dr. Tom Sweeny works in the ER at St. Joseph Regional Medical Center. He says the typical hallucinogen gives a sense of euphoria and a heightened sense of awareness. The rush is followed by sedation.

...doctors and police say they haven't seen any local cases of people who have taken Jenkem...

Dr. Sweeny says the immediate symptoms are lower blood pressure, a decreased heart rate and lowering respiratory drive. It is possible for someone to stop breathing after taking a hallucinogen.

Jenkem can cause all those things to happen, but the long term effects are worse. They include brain damage, stroke-like symptoms, even destroying bone marrow to the point of developing leukemia. All of those things can happen from getting high off human feces and urine.

Um... Can I see the research on that please? That must have been on effed up Jenkem study. Maybe someone in Zambia knows more, since this is where the trend supposedly started. I feel sick and ridiculous even reporting it. This trailer-park alchemy must stop now.

Denver wasn't the only municipality in the western US to pass lowest enforcement priority measures around marijuana on Tuesday. As referenced by Mr. Kent in a comment to my post about Denver's Question 100, the small Idaho town of Hailey passed three of four marijuana-related measures that were on the ballot.

The three measures: remove penalties for city residents who have medical marijuana per a doctor's recommendation, make marijuana possesion by adults the town's lowest law enforcement priority, and allow farmers to grow industrial hemp. The measure that failed would have required the hamlet to tax and regulate marijuana sales to adults.

The measures won't have a huge impact beyond local cops' enforcement of pot laws, though I'm sure there are a few heads in Hailey that definitely appreciate that. Still, good on ya, Hailey, and especially to Ryan Davidson who started the iniatives.

A few days ago amazingdrx posted about Bindeez toys being pulled from shelves in Australia for having 1,4-butanediol in them (which metabolizes into GHB in the body), and now the American version -- Aqua Dots -- are being officially recalled as well. The story is all over the news today, but we here at DoseNation managed to get our hands on these Aqua Dots before the recall and had our resident guinea pig try a few. Here is our exclusive Aqua Dots trip report.

I opened my pack of Aqua Dots and wasn't sure if I should play with them or eat them, so I stuck a few in my mouth and started chewing while attempting to make an Aqua Dot castle with the rest. Although they taste like rubbery crap, I find the salty sensation of 1,4-butanediol dissolving into my mouth to be oddly sexual. I chew some more.

Ten minutes later my head is spinning and I can't keep my castle upright. I run my hands over all the Aqua Dots, feeling like a miser counting his fortunes. My body is lifting into space. I feel quite funky.

A half hour later I am running through the house with no clothes on. Shiva take me now! I channel the ancient spirits and begin my fertility dance. Soon the moon with be in my house. Tonight we kill the pig and rejoice!

Forty-five minutes in I am searching the TV channels for signs of the impending apocalypse. I can't see very well, but Oprah keeps saying something about the fatted cow, or the phantom couch, or the frantic clown... I can't figure it out, but I am hooked now. She has a dire look on her face. The end is near.

After about an hour I decide I haven't chewed enough beads. I dig in for round two, but refuse to eat the red ones. The red ones are Satan's beads. Back Satan! Out of my house of worship!

I don't know how long it's been, but I slather my neck with butter to stop the itching, mites have gotten under my skin. I chew more beads. The reds stare at me with their demonic eyes. I put the red Aqua Dots down the drain. I can hear them scream and shout curses at me as I wash them down. They say I will be reborn in hell as a mutant cripple in eternal pain. But I am the lord now, their words can't hurt me. I turn on the garbage disposal and my head lights up with holy fire. It is I who will have the last laugh!

After a few hours the effects wear off, and my castle is destroyed. If it weren't for the mites and the presence of Satan I would try these things again, but for now I am swearing off Aqua Dots as bad medicine. Leave those things for the hardcore, and watch out for the red ones.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

The California supreme court will soon rule on whether employers have a right to fire employees who test positive for marijuana on drug tests, even if they have dispensations from doctors to use medical marijuana. So far, the prognosis doesn't look all that great for medical marijuana users in the state:

Two lower courts have sided with Ragingwire's decision to fire Ross because federal law holds that marijuana is illegal in all guises.

Five current and former Democratic state legislators who argue that the lower courts misinterpreted a law they helped pass that banned smoking of medicinal marijuana at the workplace. The lawmakers said nothing in their law prevents employees with medical marijuana cards to smoke outside the workplace.

The lawmakers wrote that the state's fair employment law and the 1996 Compassionate Use Act legalizing medicinal marijuana, "authorize and protect the use of medical cannabis by employees away from the workplace and during nonbusiness hours, as exemplified by plaintiff-petitioner Gary Ross, and that the court of appeal's decision erred in concluding otherwise."

Employers are fearful of falling productivity and that they open themselves to the wrath of federal officials, who are armed with a 2005 U.S. Supreme Court decision declaring that state medicinal marijuana laws don't protect users from criminal prosecution.

Via Bedazzled (by way of the Vintage Ads LiveJournal). This ad is from 1965.